Tenacity, Verve and a little bit of Moxie

I have had countless years of students telling me, “I can’t do this…”  

Usually when this happens I bring up one specific student who, at the end of his Senior year at HCSS told me that I was the voice in his head saying, “You got this kid…”  I explained to my students that it doesn’t have to be my voice it just has to be a voice saying that they can.  I hated to quote the Little Engine that Could, but if you think you can, chances are you will.  However, understanding that doesn’t mean that doubt doesn’t creep into the cracks and crevices that life leaves behind in a person.  I believe that as you go through life, the bumps and bruises you get along the way leave little inlets for doubt to seep into like a parasite.  These cracks can become better, but it takes hard work.  

When I started teaching, I felt so much doubt in myself and in my abilities.  I felt like I was working so hard and yet nothing was the way it should be.  I was working all the time and yet I always felt like I was behind.  It was like being on 10 chairs stacked up on top of each other and somehow they never toppled, even though I was sure they would.  I struggled for years thinking that somehow, even though I knew I was doing everything I could, that I was lacking.  Now I’m at a crossroads in my life and I find myself worried that maybe I won’t be as successful as I could be.  Maybe I’m not destined for something more.  Maybe I’m just this average human who will live an average life and never take that next step forward.  I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking very deeply about my inadequacies and my failures (both in my professional and personal life).  I found myself shaken to my core, imagining that somehow I would not be able to make it.  I’ve always said that no matter what happens I always land on my feet (and thus far it has been pretty true).  I’m also a firm believer in serendipity (def. the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.)  I moved to Western Massachusetts with no prospects and somehow ended up in the right place at the right time and it brought me all of my students and all of my wonderful co-workers and a number of fantastic friends.  That leap of faith never scared me because I honestly believed that no matter what happened I would be okay.  I would somehow find my way.  

Now, seven years later, I find myself completely panicked.  I kept wondering whether my theories on serendipity and always landing on my feet were just hubris and whether that in itself would end up being my downfall.  The doubt had seeped in and my core is sitting here thinking all the “What if…” questions humanly possible.  What if I can’t find a job.  What if I can’t pay rent?  Would I have to move home to my parents?  Would I end up homeless?  Could I couch surf in a pinch?  What if I just end up in a job that I hate?  What if my boss is a complete jerk?  What if I end up back in customer service?  The thoughts swirled around in my mind on countless sleepless nights.  When I could get to sleep, there were frequent weird dreams where I would end up in all sorts of predicaments.  

Then I remembered something.  I have spent the last six years looking into the faces of kids who thought that they couldn’t do _______ (insert whatever subject/skill/etc. here).  I have sat with kids who believed that they would never do that one thing and I have told them that the only thing getting in their way, is themselves.  That the power of positive thinking is the most important thing in the world.  That they need to believe that they can and believe in themselves and if they can’t believe, then I would do it for them because I knew they could do it.  Suddenly there was a momentary lightness to my being.  I remembered the last few days of school and how many kids were so supportive of my future filled with possibility.  How many students sent messages of support saying that they know that good things are coming my way.  I remembered all the people who said they thought I could.  I remembered every speech I have ever given about never giving up, never backing down from a challenge, and never saying, “I can’t…”

So, I sit here believing that I can.  There are a thousand reasons why I should not succeed, but all of those reasons are rooted in my own doubt.  Those thousand reasons would all start with some form of me saying that I can’t do it, or what I’m doing is not important, or my dreams cannot possibly be reached.  I absolutely refuse to believe that because it’s not what I taught all of my students in the past.

Never let the world say that you cannot do something.  There will be people who stand in front of you and say that your dream will never be.  There will be times when the struggles ahead seem insurmountable.  I am not saying that dreams are something easily achieved.  However, it takes a certain amount of tenacity, verve, and a little bit of moxie.  It takes a strength of character that some may not have.  It takes a certain amount of pride and confidence in one’s abilities.  It takes faith. Faith that those around you will support you.  Faith that you are capable of overcoming any challenge that you face.  Faith in yourself.  

For me, when doubt creeps in, I will think of all the students who have supported me over the years.  I will think of all the wonderful people I have worked with who have been there to bounce ideas off of and who have never once laughed in the face of my dreams.  I will think of all the friends who have stood by my side even when the going got tough.  I will think of my family who has always fully supported my dreams and my goals, no matter how crazy they seemed.  

When someone says, “You can’t…” remember that it says a whole lot more about them than it does about you.  

Because

You

Absolutely

Can