"I think, therefore I am..." So who does that make you?

"I think, therefore I am." -René Descartes

I heard this quote recently, and it made me realize a lot about myself and where my life has led me. This weekend was the 11 year anniversary of my college graduation. (I know...it made me feel old...don't remind me.) This brought me back to my plans after college. Some backstory: I was the first one in my family to go to a four-year college. I had a few scholarships and I made pretty good grades and my senior year I was working on an optional Senior Thesis that would have me graduating with Honors from the History Department at Suffolk University. I was part of two honor societies because of my grades. I thought, "I look pretty impressive!" Then I got my first rejection for grad school. I had applied to some of the best history departments in the U.S. and the first to reject me was Yale. They didn't even send me a letter, I got an email. 

I would later be rejected from Notre Dame, Columbia, and a few others I can't even recall (I'm old, remember?) I graduated with no plans for the future. I had repeated in my head, "If you don't get in anywhere, you can always teach!" Eventually (about two years later) I was lucky enough to find a teaching position. I walked in every, single day and tried my best to tell myself, "You will be a great teacher!" 

This did not happen. Any of my students from my first year will tell you, I was not the best. They will sugarcoat it now because we have such great relationships, but I was terrible. But I never stopped thinking about that. I kept saying to myself, again and again, "I can be great." Eventually, I felt like I was. There is nothing better in this world, than believing that you are great at something that you love. 

This is not to say I never doubted myself. I am not someone who had it easy in life. There is always a gnawing feeling in my gut telling me, "You definitely aren't great! Remember how terrible you are? I do!" That voice of self-doubt is always there, like an infection. Sometimes, it wins. Sometimes, I let it get the best of me. Sometimes, I feel that I am FAR from being a good teacher....

So I edited the quote for my constantly evolviong person: "I think I will be the best I can today, therefore I am trying my best and there's always tomorrow when I don't do great." 

If everyday I wake up and think to myself, "I'll do the best I can today," then I am well on my way to believing in who I think I am and more importantly, who I want to be. At the end of the day, I know that I am making a difference and that alone makes every day a little brighter.

So whether that voice saying you can't is internal, or if someone is telling you that you are somehow not enough. Know this. Every person can make a difference and be something special. No matter where we all come from, it is the simple act of thinking yourself into greatness that can make it happen.

To finish with another quote from Mr. Feeny, a fictional teacher I will always aspire to: 

"Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good." 

As long as you're doing that, you will always have a reason to hold your head up high and be proud of you. I know I am.